


Of Failed Attempts and Taking Chances

by LeandraLocke



Series: Of Vulcan Love and Human Logic [3]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M, matchmaker!McCoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-01
Updated: 2013-06-01
Packaged: 2017-12-13 15:50:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/826041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeandraLocke/pseuds/LeandraLocke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Things were coming to an end, or so it looked like, at least. To a really, really bad and horribly wrong end that made Leonard wonder whether there was any way left at all to fix it.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Failed Attempts and Taking Chances

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry guys, took me a bit longer to edit this chapter than I had anticipated. I was a bit preoccupied (and I fully admit yesterday consisted mainly of me reviving my old Pine crush and saving loads of recent images to make new wallpapers or just generally admire his magnificent beard *cough*). But here's the next instalment of the series. Two more to follow.   
> Thank you all for your kind words so far. Much appreciated :)

Things were coming to an end, or so it looked like, at least. To a really, really bad and horribly wrong end that made Leonard wonder whether there was any way left at all to fix it. The ironic thing was Leonard was convinced that his little chat with Jim had left an impact, even though Jim wouldn't admit it. He had read that in the small half-smile underlined with guilt the captain had given him the next morning at breakfast. But whatever realization had happened then, whatever plans Jim had made, it was redundant to think about them now. Spock had submitted his resignation. 

While only about a year ago Leonard would have probably done nothing more than shrug his shoulders at the news and thought they would, in fact, lose a valuable officer but probably gain someone that was much more fun to work with, the thought, today, made his stomach twist. And it wasn't because of the omelet he had had for breakfast. Truth was he would miss the hell out of the pointy-eared bastard and all his logic and subtle sarcasm. But he simply had no clue how to a) solve the mystery of what exactly had been going on between Spock and Jim and b) offer a solution that would prevent the worst from happening. 

Of course, Spock had given a seemingly very logical reason that didn't even point in the direction of personal differences with one of his crew mates. He had said to Jim, who had told Leonard about this after lunch, that he decided he was more useful and urgently needed in assisting the colonization of New Vulcan and that his staying on board of the Enterprise had been a foolish thing to do, based on emotional attachments. By which he had meant to say his relationship with Uhura, and that reason wasn't given any longer. 

The worst of all, however, was that Jim hadn't even protested, hadn't even _tried_ to convince Spock to stay which was something so uncharacteristic for a person that claimed to not believe in no-win scenarios and always boldly ran with his head through locked doors until he got what he wanted, that Leonard considered knocking them _both_ over the head with something heavy and lock them up in a quarantine room at sick bay until they came to their senses. Unfortunately, violence wasn't a solution, though Leonard started to doubt that theory.

In any case, there had to be _something_ he could do, somehow. He'd be damned if he allowed this to happen and Spock to leave him here with a moping captain. After all, he was a doctor, not a psychiatrist. Just how the hell was he supposed to figure this out if neither of them even talked to him? 

Maybe he should simply try talking to Spock, but Leonard could already picture how _that_ would unfold: 

_'Pardon me, doctor, but I do not understand what you are referring to.'_

_'Come on, Spock. You and me both know you don't really want to leave. You like it here!'_

_'Again, pardon me, but 'like' implies an emotional aspect. I have reached the conclusion that blah-blah-blah. It was only logical.'_

_'Okay, then let me be blunt. You're in love with Jim.'_

Nope, he would not survive that, Leonard was sure. Spock would at least nerve-pinch his ass from here to Nirvana. Or maybe he'd just raise one of those damn eyebrows at him and turn around and leave. Either way, it wouldn't work. 

And either way, was that really it? Throughout the past weeks, Leonard had become pretty sure that there was some kind of attraction and romantic feelings between the captain and first officer; Uhura had thought so too, hadn't she? But there was still the tiny possibility it was either one-sided or not true at all. And if it was one-sided, maybe Spock had figured it out, or Jim had even admitted it to him, and this was the reason why Spock planned to leave the Enterprise. 

Good God! What if Jim had talked to Spock last night after his chat with Leonard and had thereby caused the Vulcan to resign? No, that wouldn't explain the perfectly normal mood Jim had been in this morning. But what if they had talked after breakfast? He wouldn't put it past Jim to simply not mention such an important detail when telling him about Spock's notice. 

He was getting a headache from all of this. 

If he didn't come up with something useful soon then Spock would leave in three days when the Enterprise docked at a space station for the Arners… Arnions… (whatever!) to disembark.

Leonard didn't really believe in epiphanies but he might have very well just had one the very next evening while regretting horribly having tried a foreign dish that caused severe constipation and regretting even more that he didn't have a book or anything else to read in his bathroom at present, unlike recently as he had been reading a late 21st century classic that was trivial enough to serve as toilet reading. 

The next morning, all he needed was to find Spock somewhere that would allow him to go through with his plan, and lucky enough – fate seemed on his side – he caught the Vulcan having his breakfast in the mess hall with around a dozen other crew members. He just needed someone… 

"Scotty, I need your help", he whispered as he passed the engineer and grabbed his arm to prevent him from leaving, which he had obviously intended to do. "Sit with me and play along. I'll explain later." 

The Scottish officer gave him a confused look but muttered a long, low 'ooookay' before he joined Leonard at a table just about two meters away from the one Spock was sitting at, staring at the empty surface while Leonard himself had a tray in front of him: bagel and a cup of coffee, no eggs today. 

"I did enjoy the book you recommended, Mr. Scott," he said loudly enough for the Vulcan to definitely hear it, though maybe he could have whispered as well, what with those damn Vulcan ears being ten times more sensitive than those of humans. 

"Oh… yes… that book. Aye. I'm glad you liked it." 

"Yes, it was really interesting. Very deep characterizations and also great with all the subtle social criticism of the investment culture. I think it really managed to grasp the atmosphere of the mid twenty-first century very vividly."

Scotty still looked a little lost but simply nodded. "That's why I recommended it." 

"Could have done without the romance though," Leonard continued and again watched the engineer nod, albeit a bit unsure. 

"Who needs romance anyway?" 

"Exactly. All that drama and back and forth. I think it was good that the protagonist chose his career over his love in the end. What do you say?"

"Oh absolutely! He was much better off w-"

"Though the damn idiot did mope about his lost love for the rest of his life," Leonard quickly interrupted Scotty before he could say something that was counter-productive to his plan. "And he always wondered whether it wouldn't have worked out, had he only tried." 

"Aye, very tragic. So… um…" 

"You know, thinking about it, he was quite the coward. Kept telling himself he was making the right choices for all the right reasons when sometimes all it takes for a person to achieve happiness is being bold." 

"I thought you didn't like the romance," Scotty whispered, leaning in and shooting Leonard a 'what the hell are you even talking about' look. 

"Well, because it was so over-dramatized. And kind of, I don't know…. Illogical for both characters to give up so easily but then end up miserable for the rest of their lives. There would have been much more room for the social criticism and study of the other characters if it hadn't turned into this big tragic love story." 

This time, Scotty just half nodded, half shrugged, obviously clueless on what to add. But maybe it was enough already. "It was a good read in any case, though. I'm just glad I don't know anyone as stupid and cowardly as those two in my life." He laughed, avoiding to turn and look at Spock, hoping the Vulcan hadn't seen through his scheme. Or he would have nerve-pinched him by now. But Leonard had reason to be at least somewhat confident his ploy had worked. After all, despite all his logic, or maybe because of it, Spock could sometimes be quite gullible. 

"Oh hello there, Mister Spock. Why don't you join me and Dr. McCoy? We were just discussing literature." 

Leonard froze as he heard Scotty talk and didn't even dare to turn. So the damn Vulcan must have been standing right behind him. But what the hell was Scotty doing? He must have realized their whole conversation had been for Spock to hear. 

"I heard," Spock said and walked a few steps around their table so he was stood between them. "I would have assumed you were talking about 'A Farewell to Capitalism' by Samira Wilkes, a well-known classic of Earth literature, late twenty-first century, period of second romanticism. However, you must have been discussing a merely similar piece since the protagonist, Paul Shubeck, gives up his position as fund manager and goes back to Bulgaria to marry Gina. And unlike the novel you described, Shubeck is unhappy in his relationship and commits suicide." 

That damn green-blooded walking encyclopedia! 

"Oh! Oh yes, it was a different book", Scotty quickly said, a look of slight shock and utter confusion on his features despite his poised words . "You wouldn't know it. My great-great-grandmother wrote it and it never got published. Alrighty, I think I'll get back to my post. This was fun. We can do it again sometime," he smiled at Leonard, gave Spock a nod and practically fled from the table. 

Leonard barely dared looking up at the Vulcan, but it was impossible not to catch the piercing glare that made his blood run cold. 

"If you excuse me, I have to get back to my duties as well." And with that, the Vulcan exited the mass hall, leaving an embarrassed Leonard McCoy that wanted to smack himself up the head with something heavy for screwing up so admirably. 

He needed a plan B. 

 

-x-x-

So plan B mainly consisted of stalking Spock. Or well, Leonard was trying to find a way to catch the Vulcan at a) a good moment and b) with nobody else around. He had a fleeting thought about just calling him at his quarters, but then again it might have a stronger effect if the encounter at least seemed to be coincidental. Or else Spock might feel harassed and pressured by Leonard, and he was sure that was an emotion at least _this_ Vulcan was capable of. 

So, Leonard had spent the past one and a half days trying to inconspicuously tail Spock whenever his own schedule allowed it. Unfortunately for him, he found out that Spock rarely left his quarters except for attending to his duties, and a shared ride on the turbolift simply wasn't long enough to address the whole 'you're running away from something good here' issue. Trouble was, he had only half a day left because tomorrow around lunch time the Enterprise would be docking Space Station G-38,1 and the crew would say goodbye to the best damned first officer they had ever had. He was even inclined to say that out loud if it stopped Spock from leaving. 

It was another stroke of luck when he overheard an ensign speaking to Spock over the ship's internal communicator, telling him he could go to cargo bay and leave his boxes there for them to be packed up later. Leonard could hardly believe his luck. Not only would he catch Spock alone, no, he'd also have a damn believable excuse because there was medical equipment that was to be exchanged with the space station as well. So it would sound reasonable if he meant to check on it. 

Three minutes later or so he found himself in the still empty cargo hall and decided the best to do before Spock got here was to stand by the boxes with medical equipment as if he was in the middle of his task. They were situated at the end of the cargo bay, among towers of other boxes shielding him from sight for someone to enter, but that didn't matter as he'd definitely hear Spock. And sure enough, a few minutes later, he heard the sliding doors open, even footsteps on the ground and the low swoosh of the doors being closed again. Until… 

"Spock wait!" 

It was Jim. And although that alone was far from something negative, Leonard felt slightly awkward now to go through with his plan and simply step forward from where he was standing behind the high boxes. Spock might buy his white lie but Jim, being Jim, was unfortunately a lot less dense than he sometimes pretended to be. Leonard told himself that it was this reason and this reason alone, not maybe also some kind of curiosity, that had him stay rooted to the spot behind the stacked cargo boxes and peeking out through a gap between them. 

From his position he could only see Spock so far. The Vulcan was holding a small container that was no bigger than forty centimeters in all three dimensions, and Leonard already wondered if that was all Spock intended to take with him when leaving the starship for good. The Vulcan didn't turn and instead sat the box on top of two others – which might answer Leonard's question as they were in the same design as the first. 

"Do you require my presence on the bridge, captain?" Spock asked with a tone that even surprised Leonard for how distant and… cold it was. 

He heard a faint sigh from Jim. "No, I just – "

"Then I will get back to my duties. I still need to brief Lieutenant Holm on her daily schedule so she can sufficiently substitute me in the future." 

"Okay Spock. Stop avoiding me." 

There was a pause, and Leonard could see Jim then, stepping closer towards the Vulcan who was now facing the captain. 

"I am not avoiding you. I am merely attempting to carry out my duties as best I can for the remaining time, captain." 

"And stop calling me captain. It's Jim, remember? We're alone here."

"Yes, I am aware of that." Spock sounded, if anything… uncomfortable. 

"Then talk to me." 

"I am talking to you." 

Oh that damn Vulcan. He could be as childishly stubborn as a kindergarten kid sometimes, Leonard thought and suppressed an exasperated sigh. 

"The hell you are! You've been running away from me for days now. And as far as I recall the only kinds of _conversations_ we've had were strictly business." 

"Very well… Jim. What do you wish to talk about?" 

Leonard was sure nobody else that didn't know Spock as well as he or Jim did, and Uhura, would have noticed, but he was also sure to have heard a small trace of bitterness in the Vulcan's voice there. If he wasn't so scared he'd be found out unless he'd be absolutely quiet, he'd be literally crossing his fingers and say: 'come on, Jim, fix this, you stubborn idiot!' Instead, he just thought it but on reflex crossed his fingers anyway. 

"About what is going on here. About why you're really leaving." 

"I have informed you of my reason for leaving. There is no urgent necessity for me to stay aboard as I'm convinced you will be able to find a suitable replacement for me. The new Vulcan colony, however – "

"A suitable replacement?" Jim laughed out. "Spock, even if you… if I didn't care about you on a personal level at all there'd be no suitable replacement for you. You're the most brilliant science officer I could ever find. And I'm sure everyone would agree with me on that, even Bones." 

Leonard almost snorted, though it was true. But Spock's professional qualities weren't the point here, were they? 

"I am honored by your trust in my expertise; however Starfleet Academy has produced many highly qualified officers. And you as well as Dr. McCoy have stated on multiple occasions that logic and knowledge alone isn't everything to make a good officer. I therefore fail to see why I should not carry out my plan and join the Vulcan colony." 

"Because I don't WANT you to go!" Jim suddenly burst out. His tone had been determined before, but now there was a trace of desperation audible in his voice as he came even a step closer, now fully visible to Leonard. "Cut the crap, Spock," he continued softer as the Vulcan's posture slumped ever so slightly, his eyes averted. "You don't want to go either, and I know it. So how the hell can this be the logical choice?" 

"Wanting is not logical," Spock replied almost faintly. "Wanting leads to unrealistic expectations and thereby to disappointment which in itself is illogical. I believed to have made the right decision to end a wanting that cannot be fulfilled." 

Jim's jaw dropped, literally dropped with surprise. His eyes widened and he seemed utterly speechless for a long moment in which Leonard wondered what that meant. Either there had been something going on between the two of them or it had all just been a lot of mutual unresolved attraction. But either way, Jim MUST have been aware of it being mutual. Leonard had thought that it might have been Jim who had started to freak out about discovering his feelings, but then how in the heaven's name could he be surprised now at hearing the implication in Spock's words? He really wanted to just step forward and shout 'Wait a minute, explain!', courtesy be damned. 

"You see, Jim," Spock continued. "I found myself incapable, illogical as it is, to proceed with the present situation. I made my decision based on what I thought and still think is best." He turned and made a step towards the exit before he stopped again, standing directly beside the younger man. Spock's gaze drifted back up and into Jim's. "For our… friendship." 

Spock would have left then, Leonard was sure. He would have gone back to his quarters or the lab to meet Lieutenant Holm (if that story wasn't made up), and Jim would have stood here like a dog smacked upside the head with a frying pan, realizing that one of the last chances he would get had passed. And, because Jim had never been much of a planner, he would simply let it happen, would see Spock and the delegation from Arn off tomorrow and then be miserable for at least a very long time. 

Luckily, Jim wasn't a planner but someone that, in the end, always trusted his gut. 

The kiss was anything but what Leonard had imagined – not that he really had, in detail, and actively so! But it was way different from what one expected Jim Kirk kissing somebody to look like. Not a self-assured, one hundred percent calculated move by a man whose dating history would even put the legendary Casanova to shame. No long, deep glances and whimsical smirks or passionate embraces (okay, no more romance novels on the toilet anymore!). It was a quick and desperate leap, his hand roughly grabbing Spock's arm, lips brought together so quickly as if he was afraid the other would vanish into thin air the very second. And it was, by far, one of the sweetest yet strangest things Leonard had ever seen, leaving him torn between wanting to punch the air, shouting: 'YES!' and bleaching his eyes. 

His decency won over his curiosity in almost the same moment as it was already over again; he saw from the corner of his eye how Jim withdrew and let go of Spock's arm. But he didn't need to look to know both men were staring at each other, possibly both utterly surprised about the own action and that of the other.

Leonard almost thought they must be kissing again because the silence hung between them for so long that he almost had no other explanation, when he suddenly heard a soft, relieved laugh bubble from Jim's chest. 

"Jim, if it was your intention to mock me then –" 

But again, Spock didn't get to finish what he wanted to say as Jim laughed out again. "No, I'm not mocking you, Spock," he chuckled, and Leonard decided it was safe to look again only to find his best friend with the probably biggest grin on his features he had seen in a long time. Spock, on the other hand, as far as Leonard could tell from only seeing his profile, looked positively shocked, his usual eloquence completely absent. 

"But your reaction seems to indicate a hilarity of the situation," Spock tried, his voice oddly low and almost hoarse. 

"That's because it _is_ hilarious," Jim replied. "This entire time I thought it was just me while in fact we've been pining for each other. Come on! Don't you think that's funny? Or… well, fascinatingly ironic?" 

"Tragic irony, I believe, would be the term." 

Jim laughed again and shook his head, that grin never fading from his features completely though his eyes narrowed slightly now. "This is all Bones' fault."

Leonard gulped. 

"Remember that evening we were supposed to play chess and have a few drinks?"

"I do," Spock replied. 

"You bailed on me then when I told you Bones wasn't coming!"

Unlike Jim's utterly amused and relieved mood that was so noticeable even Leonard felt infected by it, Spock still seemed confused and a little uncertain, given away by how stiffly he stood, his head slightly tilted as he regarded Jim almost like figuring out an especially complicated logical. "I believed it was not wise for us to be alone." 

Leonard almost expected Jim to make a teasing joke, something like 'What? Did you need Bones to be the chaperone?' Instead, Jim's amused grin turned into a warm smile and he tilted his head as well, eyes drifting over Spock's features. 

"I thought you kinda figured what was going on and therefore didn't want to be alone with me," he confessed. 

There could have been so much to discuss here, and had it been other people involved it probably would have resulted in a lengthy conversation about all the misunderstandings between them. A James T. Kirk, however, always got straight to the point. "So… will you reconsider your resignation?" 

As Spock's glance briefly wandered to his cargo boxes, Leonard swore he saw the tiniest smirk playing around one corner of Spock's mouth. "I believe I already have. If you are willing to revoke it… captain." 

"You bet I am," Jim chuckled again. "Come on, I'll help you carry those back to your quarters."

As he watched his captain and the first officer take up the two smallest of the three boxes, Leonard had to suppress a sigh of relief and stuck to only rolling his eyes. Two minutes to midnight, he thought and waited a little while longer after the two had left, just in case. 

"All Bones' fault, my ass," he grumbled faintly. But in the end, with the result this whole drama had found he didn't really care. Everything was as it was supposed to be. 

_Seriously. No more romance novels._


End file.
